its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
