C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
