I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
