I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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