they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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