I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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