bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I could make wine with my vomit
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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