im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
