if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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