Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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