Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
