Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
