why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
