I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
