he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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