I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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