I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
There r osticjed everywhere
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize