he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize