i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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