He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
