What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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