Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
birth control should be required to get into college
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
