Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm like, not good at living.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize