Kiss
Puke
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize