so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
