The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize