Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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