Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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