I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
