Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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