she looked like the bat from fern gully.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize