Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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