Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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