There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
