Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
