The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
And the cops told us we were all naked.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize