yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
