And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
