There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
