i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
