I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
