before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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