Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize