similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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