9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize