Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
