Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
