I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
