i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize