it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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