does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
