I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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