Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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