Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The air was thick with penises
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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