The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
