I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
