he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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