theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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