He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
