sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
