Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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