My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize