my phone needs a breathalizer
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
