Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
