when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
