so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I think my vagina is haunted
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
