the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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