his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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