Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i drank out of a bidet.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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