I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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