we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
