If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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