I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
