Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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