I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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