Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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