I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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