I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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