girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
