nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
