she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Bring me that man meat
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
