matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
