So drunk, too bad you don't want this
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
